I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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