She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
