sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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