I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
