Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
