Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
