put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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