I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
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