i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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