please come you make the beer taste better
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
