where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
