i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
