His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
