I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
