So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
