he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
