before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
the condom got lost in my hair
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
