She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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