Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
