hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
