whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize
