So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
But theres a keg here and me gusta
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
