yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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