Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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