No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
