I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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