Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
