I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You need a sexual gate keeper
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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