Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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