My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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