god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
