Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
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