Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
