He asked to "fluff my boner.."
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
