Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
