I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
