she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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