fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
