i think i have two assholes
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
