You're completely useless in the revolution.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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