Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize