i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
