and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
