I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
