he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
