she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
