WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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