She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
