Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
