My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
There r osticjed everywhere
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Randomize
