Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Well I just put wine in my tea
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize