Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Randomize
