Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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