Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
God I need to hump something, right now.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
