why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
