I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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