Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
