so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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