I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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