That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
