I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
