Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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