This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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