my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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