god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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