i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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