Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Boobs are out for the taking
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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