Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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