Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
